He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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