I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
