Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
