Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She bit a glass in half.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
