My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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