I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
