Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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