the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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