im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
