Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
