So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
