i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want to make out with him forever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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