I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
