I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
