It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
