He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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