im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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