They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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