Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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