was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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