i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
