Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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