Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
