I just pynch a tree in the face
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
