Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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