you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
