Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
