you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
