that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
