it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
