I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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