I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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