i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
