I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
