Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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