My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
