It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
