Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
