dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
