Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
