the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
