just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
