Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
