I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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