hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
