The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
