i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
