No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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