when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
