I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
