You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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