Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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