Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
