peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
