Me too!
4 words: hood of his car
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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