you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
