he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
