Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
