actually, I'm a sock model
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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