September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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