Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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